Three Identical Strangers

I just saw Three Identical Strangers, and it got me thinking. Like a deep, sad sort of thinking. You know, the type of thinking that encompasses your whole body, where time freezes, or at least the concept of it vanishes as you think about your total life existence. Suddenly a burst of images, old feelings, a peculiar childhood memory flashes. You are reminded that you were once in a completely different body, in a completely different background, with a completely different sensibility. Yet the same soul, your soul, this soul has been there the entire time. It hits you in a way that it has never done before… what “they” say is right. You are a spiritual being living a human experience. You’ve heard this phrase before, and you’ve liked the idea of it, but now the clarity of it all, knocks you down to your soulful core. This epiphany, as if it has its own beating body, floats over you as you make eye contact with strangers walking down the street. You don’t smile. That would cheapen this experience. You simply see them. Your eyes search out theirs. You observe that they are spiritual beings engulfed in aloofness and fear. You realize that nothing really matters in this life so you might as well follow your desires because your life is led by your desires anyway. Listen to them. Nothing is too small or too big. Go out and seize the day. Stop beating yourself up. No one knows what they are doing. Why do you give people so much power over you? They are just tiny, confused creatures themselves that have popped up in your path. Some are good. Some are not so good. Focus on the good ones. They’re more important anyway. Seize this life. You have just as much of a right to live an extraordinary life as anyone else…. Annnnnnnnnd then some jackass honks at another jackass, and you impulsively roll your eyes and grind your teeth out of pure disgust for people’s road rage. And just like that, that feeling is gone and basically forgotten about. 

Now I’m not saying everyone is going to have this reaction to this film. Perhaps I am a reflective freak. Hey…maybe it could have happened while eating avocado toast? Who knows. In a way, I don’t want to talk about the film because you really should see it. But I will mention, they discuss childhood stuff and the concept of nature vs. nurture. 

Ahhhhh…nature vs. nurture. This right here is why I’m able to be who I am. So far in my blog, I’ve written a lot about the bad things. I needed to. I still need to. I want to shine a light on all the dark shit that I’ve experienced for it to be less… dark. I want to release shame that I’ve been holding my entire life. I want to own my story, change my narrative, and start an Eat My Prune revolution! But first, I need to be honest. 

Yes, I was born into a shitty world. My mother saw her parents getting stabbed to death a couple of months before she got pregnant with me. A year after I was born, she then gets mysteriously murdered. On top of all the murder stuff, there’s a bad dad, years of sexual abuse, and a whole lot of bullying, and that’s just under the age of 12. Sooo…how am I somewhat normal? 

The nurture part of the equation. Maybe that’s harder for me to talk about because it means more to me. I had the most amazing grandmother, my dad’s mother. She lived with us until my dad kicked her out when I was 12, and then she died when I was 16. I think about her everyday. I often pray to her. Instead of saying "God" or "Jesus," I say, “Grandma.” A warm feeling then washes over me, and I know that everything will be okay. I’ve had great childhood friends. I grew up on a street called Sycamore Drive. There were children my age who lived next door. Their families took me in. I would tag along on their summer vacations. I felt like I was their daughter, their sister. Today, I’m very close with my aunt and uncle. I live with them in their guest house. Yes, it’s a sweet pad. Los Angeles is an expensive town, and I get to save money and live a pretty awesome life. But more than anything, it’s the relationship that I’ve cultivated with them that has helped me the most. 

Nature vs. Nurture? Nurture all the way baby. Also, go see the movie.