WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS

So…you guys are just rippin’-’n’-dippin,’ right? It’s getting hot and heavy, and you finally are able to let go and allow yourself to be in the moment and feeeeeel the magnitude of pleasure and passion all wrapped up in a thrust or a gentle nipple twist. The desire between you two is all-consuming. His breath is heavy as he grabs your hips and pulls you in. You can’t help but let out a moan. A squeal. A scream. You don’t care. Nothing matters in this point in time. You’ve surrendered all considerations of your body, anything that jiggles. Every concern about your life is put on hold and fuck that to-do list anyway. The only thing that matters is the two of you giving freely to one another. No boundaries. No barriers. It’s that fucking primal bliss that just feels so right and irrefutable. As he fervidly climaxes, you feel like a goddamn sex goddess. You both take a moment to just exist in that shared mutual euphoria. You now need to lovingly and gracefully undue your sweaty body after that heated sexual experience that’s almost impossible to put words to since all words fail to describe this type of exhilaration. Then it happens. The always unforeseen, ever explosive…queef. 

NOOOOOOOOOOO.  Why, God? This. Isn’t. Right. Why are you punishing me with the most awkward and vulgar fart sound coming from my beautiful and mystical private parts?  If we’re not already in a relationship, well now we are. Sorry buddy. But if you hear me queef, things have just gotten serious. This is now more than a hook-up. You’re my fucking boyfriend. That’s the power of a queef.  

The thing about queefs is that you can’t control it. It’s not like a fart. You can’t hold in a queef. And you can’t tell when one’s coming on either. Queefs are nothing but air coming out of the vagina, yet it’s one of the most embarrassing events during and after sex for me. 

Why does it occur during the most intimate time? Should you ignore it? Address it? Make a joke about it? Apologize? Say "oops?"  Or just run to the bathroom while cringing because you’re probably queefing along the way?  

I don’t have the answers to this. A lot of guys don’t care because it usually means the sex was hot. It also happens more with men with bigger sized penises because the vagina needs to open wider to let it in the big d, and that’s when the air gets trapped. Some men even take pride in making women queef. 

Sex without shame is what we all desire and deserve. Let’s not forget that the next time we hear “pffffffttttttt……” (I don’t know how to spell out the sound of a queef. Again, no words will do it’s justice. You just have to experience the power of the queef).