TO SUCCEED IN STAND-UP, DO I HAVE TO BECOME A BITCH?

The stand-up comedy scene is a dark world filled with miserable human beings that hate themselves. So naturally I’m drawn to it like a lost cub who just found her herd. Except, the herd are a bunch of dicks who want nothing to do with the cub other than fuck it. Let’s get out of this cub metaphor, because having sex with a baby cub is quite disturbing. 

My point is, it’s not easy being a woman in the comedy scene. I realize this isn’t a new revelation and probably was a whole lot worse in the past, but either way, it’s a problem for me. I’ve never truly committed to stand up because the men scare me. Unfortunately that hasn’t stopped me from dating some of them. But I have to remind myself that having sex with a comic does not always mean they will sexually transmit stage time to me. Generally it’s just HPV. In fact, it’s always HPV.

In order to succeed in stand-up comedy, like anything else, you have to put your feet to the pavement and do the work. You have to hit an open mic two or three times a night. Hang out in comedy clubs and learn from the pros. Write and rewrite. Risk falling on your face. You have to live and breath stand-up comedy. It’s just hard for me to take a deep breath in when it’s sexist and toxic men. 

I was raised by a misogynistic father so I’m use to feeling this way. But as I’ve gotten older, wiser, and being in therapy twice a week, I realize that this kind of treatment is not normal. I shouldn’t just accept that I’m only seen as a couple of labia lips. I’m a whole person with a sense of humor and my own personal viewpoint on the latest WonderWoman movie.  

I don’t want to harden and become mean like them. I also don’t want to retreat to where I was before, feeling okay with being mistreated and looked down upon just because I have a vagina. That’s not okay. I know this now. 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am soft-spoken, kind, and on this new spiritual journey. So does that mean I should forget about stand-up? Will I just be eaten alive by my own tears? Not everyone is awful. In fact, I did just have a wonderful show with Andy Dick who treated me like an equal. There are some other lovely lady comics too who are encouraging and positive. So they’re not all heartless monsters, but most of them are...